4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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