I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.