dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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