I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green