I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's blow job season.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
