Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
21 Nurses Confess the Best Answers They Ever Got To A ‘Sexual History?’ Question
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER