You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i barfeds in our rink
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form