There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates