He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
