also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
