and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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