i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
