Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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