I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
