I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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