Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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