I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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