Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
