You work out of a Hotel?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
