i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
