Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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