quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
