Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
