Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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