One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
