I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
