how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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