i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
