How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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