no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
should my penis look like a turkey
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
