he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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