I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
