new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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