If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
