yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
