Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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