I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
