There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
