I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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