So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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