ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
