watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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