Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please don't give away my fajitas
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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