I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I touched a dick in church today
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
