I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
