i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
