tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
