What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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