my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My vagina is officially offended.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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