she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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