question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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