if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
