I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
