i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
