Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
