i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
