I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
