Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
