Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
