bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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