I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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