I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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