It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
