There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
