He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
