I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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