my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize