I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
